Well, I got home from work and had the need to refuel. Since I didn't pick up any pizza on the way home, I had to cook something up myself. So, I snuck into my bedroom to kiss my wife goodnight, and to ensure she was asleep.
Wife asleep: check
Kissed wife goodnight: check
I started some water boiling and added some pasta. I then had a brainstorm. A wonderful and marvelous idea crept into my head. I would jump into the shower WHILE my pasta was cooking. I would be a superhero of saving time. I would make my wife proud by being able to do TWO THINGS AT ONCE!
Sadly, those good feelings would not last.
After my shower, I stepped out and smelled something funny. It was an odd scent that I could not quite place. I shook my head and shrugged and wandered into the kitchen, while trying to place that strange odor. I approached the stove and finally realized what had happened.
The pasta boiled over.
When pasta boils over, water overflows onto the stove.
Fire, when confronted with water, usually expires.
When the fire departs, all that remains is a pot full of water and partially cooked pasta with gas pouring out underneath.
That latter portion bears repeating. In bold. And italics. And a slightly larger font size.
With gas pouring out underneath.
So, when confronted with this disaster-in-the-making, I almost did the stupidest thing I could do.
My mind was saying 'there is gas pouring out because the fire went out and my pasta is not getting cooked!"
Of course the logical response to that line of thought is "so turn on the stove and start cooking the pasta with all that wasted gas!" My hand was reaching towards the gas knob when it suddenly hit me.
That strange odor - it was natural gas. My house was filling up with natural gas and I, in my pasta-deprived state, was about to ignite it. Not the brightest thing to do considering we had just moved in to this house a little over a year ago and still had 28 and 1/2 years of payments left on it. I had visions of my house blowing up while my wife and I dove out the front door with a witty comment escaping my lips. Probably something amusing about how we will get that new flooring she wants now that the old flooring is gone for good.
But I digress. After realizing how stupid that move would be, I merely turned the gas off.
Hooray! I had saved the day. I was a hero! I saved my house, my wife and me from, well... from me.
I was starting to calm down at this point until I realized that my house was still full of all the natural gas. I went around the house, opening windows and turning on fans to clear all the gas out.
I then remembered my wife. I was scared to go in the bedroom because I just knew that she would somehow have woken up and known exactly what happened. She was just sitting in there waiting for me to open the door and check on her. I could hear it now... "Just what the hell do you think you were doing? Leaving the stove on while you were taking a shower!" I crept to the door and listened to determine if she was still asleep or awake and waiting to unleash her fury. I couldn't hear anything and was unsure if that was good or bad, so I opened the door and slipped inside with nary a sound.
Thankfully she was still sleeping. I turned on the fan in the bedroom and left quickly, leaving the door open a crack to ensure that any gas had a way to escape.
I stayed up for the next three hours and did not hop into bed until I was certain that no gas odor remained in the home.
The next day, I picked my wife up from the metro station and related the story to her, fully expecting her to go ballistic. Happily enough she laughed at my tale and I was in no danger.
In my defense, none of this would have happened if I had picked up a pizza on my way home.
Why pizza is the best food in the universe, Reason #74: It prevents homes from blowing up.
